Diary 2026

This is my Diary for 2026.

01

2026-01-01 16:08

New year, same struggle. In my dreams I was apologising to my mum for not being able to protect. I remembered that before her mobility problems become too overwhelming she was working all the time. While now I am not able to focus even on small tasks.

16:34 I have been just preparing to write, but I am already trembling. However, I will not give up. I never give up.

Daily functioning tips#Maintain hope even if fake one is a tip I am struggling now. However, it is an important one. You need hope of getting desired result in order to do the things you need to do. I was feeling exhausted and decided to finish for today. However, few moments later I felt that I did way too little and give up way too soon. However, it only confirmed that I am exhausted.

2026-01-02 16:37

I am exhausted, but I do not want to write about it. I want to ask why so few people write about corruption they face when dealing with insurance claims. However, I struggle my self to write about. But when I am done, then I will come back to this topic. If I will be able to do it, so should you. It would have saved me from so much needles suffering if that information was available to me.

2026-01-11 14:44

I wanted to write about something useful rather than just writing about suffering. It took a while.

I wanted to add few notes about willpower. To my surprise I cannot find anything here. I am sure I wrote about and many times. However, it is not here. Maybe I will find it somewhere someday. With a lot of struggle I was able to use today's example for section that Daily functioning tips#Willpower is not enough to combat exhaustion.

2026-01-12 15:22

Still struggling but completed the tip I started yesterday.

The problem with PTSD symptoms#Wrong appointment date happened so many times now, that I am looking at it as something that cannot be avoided. However, I was surprised to find out that I have not description of it in symptoms, nor in it tips.

2026-01-13 18:13

Not much to write about, only the reminder that writing Daily functioning tips#Diary does help also to deal with the tendency to get stuck with the tasks.

2026-01-14 18:28

Just to remind that the main reason for my incapacity to function is exhaustion and it affects all areas of my life.

2026-01-16 16:44

I slept very bad last night. I was not able to fall asleep from 5:00, and missed important part of the sleep. Whole day crawling and can not find a way to be productive. Few hours ago I decided to do simple household tasks, but it is no better. Have not done anything useful.

Lets check what else I recommend. I will start with Jalapeno (Spices and Spicy food) and background sounds.

2026-01-18 15:49

I need to readjust my plans again. I was writing down about last missed appointment as it is a good example. However, it has been more than a week and I have not completed it yet. I need to move on to other tasks :(.

2026-01-21 18:08

I am falling behind the schedule badly again. So, I am just making notes of what I would like to write in a diary. I hope I will come back to it one day.

2026-01-22 17:17

At least today I know what I want to do during next EMDR sessions. I knew from the morning when I woke up from nightmare where I was trying to go back to work and failing miserably. So many things went wrong since the trauma. Some thing could have been better if I was able to think properly, but I was not. There is a lot of pain associate with that. I do not think that pain servers any purpose now as it makes more difficult to do thing that I need and want to do now.

Here is a small example about hesitation to act even that is relate to previous statement.

I felt exhausted before I managed to write example :(. Maybe tomorrow.

2026-01-23 21:28

I thought yesterday was bad, but I have not wrote a single character yet. How it is possible to feel exhausted all the time.

2026-01-24 21:00

Today I was reminded again, that 2 hours of activity is all I can do per day. No matter what type is that activity. I was editing complaint to Ombudsman today. So, I feel like it was a bit productive day.

2026-01-27 16:59

The plan - I will sit down, write a short entry

I took a break to look at some videos on Facebook. One of them was this: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17oeiQ7Gwq/ Another one: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17e6kvtdwu/ https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AmtTtokwK/

More, different one: https://www.facebook.com/share/r/17vJzj6GqR/ https://www.facebook.com/share/r/17nn5PprH7/, https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1ABMuinNMr/

I need to start adding links to other useful sites https://www.thewhiteline.org/ goes to To Do

02

2026-02-04 11:26

It is a clear sign of how exhausted I am if all I can manage is to write day and time in my diary entry. I am well aware of deadlines coming up, my low productivity and time passing by. So, I am trying my best, but my energy gets depleted very quickly. Combine it with lack of rest at night and you get the situation I have now: I got up and I am already so exhausted that I need to lie down even before I finished eating breakfast, that was prepared yesterday. After 20 min rest, I took laptop to write this diary entry. It is a minor step but still might be useful.

2026-02-05 18:42

I went to psychologist and then to Newtown Safe Haven at was very close. I was hoping to write an email to Lithuanian police asking if there is any news from investigation into my mom's death. However, I felt so exhausted that I had to rush back home to lie down. I have rested for an hour and wrote this email. Sometimes, you can not prepare to do some things well. So, the best option is just to do it and then look what you to deal with the results.

I had a list of the tasks to do for today. At the end I decided to do the most stressful. I badly can not have any clarity of priorities in my mind right now.

2026-02-08 22:10

I got up exhausted, but with painful insights into my functioning. However, there were few things I had to complete first. I did it only now. But I no longer remember what I wanted to write.

2026-02-18 13:58

The last 10 days I was dealing with the consequences of not being to do the things I wanted to do in the past 11 years, but was not able to do. The only thing I can write is how important it was to do it, but I already know and wrote about some of it. Nothing new to share.